Surviving The Affair – The 9 Questions To Ask Yourself When Deciding To Stay Or Go

Surviving The Affair – The 9 Questions To Ask Yourself When Deciding To Stay Or Go

Surviving the affair and making the decision to stay or go after your husband has had an affair is one of the most important yet difficult decisions of your life. statewide roofing

Hopefully you’re an independent thinker and make critical life choices based on your own set of values, life experiences, and wisdom, rather than being guided by outside influences. You and you alone must decide whats important and if there is any chance your marriage can survive the affair.

Many women are choosing to rebuild their marriage after an affair and focus on re-establishing the trust, friendship and intimacy. Before you make any life altering decisions, here are 9 questions to ask yourself and reflect upon when trying to make a decision to stay or go.

1. Do you still have feelings for him?

The obvious question is do you still have feelings for him. Do you still love him? While surviving the affair, feeling angry, gutted, more info please visit:-Https:// depressed and distraught all indicate there are deep feelings remaining. If you didn’t love him or care, you wouldn’t care who he sleeps with! Reflect on why you married him in the first place and observe if there are any of those characteristics still remaining in your husband.

2. Is he truly sorry?

How remorseful is your husband? Has he asked for your forgiveness and can you sense he is truly sorry for his actions? Does he still love you? Don’t rush the process and take time to gauge his feelings. Often times guilt and shame cause defensiveness and avoidance.

3. How committed is your husband to fixing his mistake?

Does your husband show a commitment to surviving the affair, rebuilding the marriage and fixing his mistake. Is he willing to be honest and totally transparent? It will take a great deal of effort on his end to gain back your trust, respect and intimacy. Is he willing to put in the effort? More importantly, are you willing to be receptive and receive his efforts?

4. Is fear guiding your decision to stay or go?

Fear will be a factor with either decision you make. Starting a new life without your husband is frightening because you face the unknown. Staying in your marriage and working on the issues which led to the affair is equally frightening. Try to ask yourself, if I wasn’t afraid and I knew I couldn’t fail, what would my decision be?

5. Does your religion or culture oppose divorce?

Often times religion or culture opposes divorce. Ask yourself if your religious beliefs do not enable you to leave your husband, how are you going to get through this ordeal and heal yourself? Support from family and community are needed, but draw on your own strengths and resources as well. Consider counseling or other resources to work through the anger and find forgiveness.

6. Are children involved?

Children can sometimes influence your decision to stay or go. Is your husband a good dad who makes time for your kids? Do you all participate in family time. Can you visualize raising your kids without your husband?

7. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Ask yourself what you want your life to look like in 5 years from now. Do you see your husband in your future? Can you visualize forgiveness and a renewed trust, respect and intimacy? Are you visualizing a stronger commitment being formed with your husband or are you picturing a brand new chapter and new life adventure for yourself?

8. Do you have the strength to forgive?

Forgiving takes great strength of character and plenty of patience. Allow yourself time and space to work through your emotions. Keep in mind forgiveness is more for your benefit than your husbands. Holding on to bitterness, anger and mistrust will only harm your own wellbeing and health. Forgiveness should be your goal regardless of whether you stay or go.

9. What will be best for you?

Try not to let outside influence sway your decision. Family, friends and co-workers may all have your best interest at heart but they are not the one who will be living with your decision. They also do not know exactly how you feel in your heart or the intimate relationship you have shared with your husband up until now. It is nice to receive input and advice from people who care, yet make sure your decision is based solely on what is best for you.

Surviving the affair takes great courage and strength. My hope is that these 9 questions will help you reflect on your future and encourage you to make the right decision for own well-being and long-term happiness.

Keep in mind, reading articles and searching for answers to your happiness is only the first step. I hope these 9 questions to ask yourself when deciding to stay or go are helpful and will start your journey toward healing yourself and possibly your marriage.


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